Already in the cellar, Llana heard the door slam shut. She crawled by her nails and bloodied fingers, deeper into a dark corner, and curled up in a ball. She knew by the slam of the door, he was drunk and angry again, but the old broken boxes around her would perhaps offer some protection. Muffled shouts, foul words, the sound of pots being broken--each served to fuel her fear. Hyper-vigilant, she knew each distinct sound and how each reflected his fury. Please, just for once, please. Footsteps stomped unsteady, up the stairs. Oh God, please let him pass out tonight, I can’t take any more.
She waited. A few seconds of hopeful silence passed while she held her breath... She jumped at distant sounds of furniture being kicked. His footsteps sounded loud again, down the stairs, his infernal kicks at everything he could. The carpet and floorboards between them muffled the curses and obscenities, but she knew by his fury what the future would bring. Finally, the sound--the cellar door violently kicked open; and fury-etched words. Words she now, unfortunately, understood.
Fear expanded beyond all bounds. A fear few could understand. Raw fear, devouring her, piece by piece; again and again. Please not again. Not again. No...
Then her world started to fade as his lantern illuminated the darkness.
#
As Llana’s past world faded, a new one came into being. A lush green meadow surrounded where she stood. A nearby river sparkled in the warm sun and beautiful woods stretched to distant hills. Memory flooded back to Llana. The Lower World. This is where I am safe.
As she expected, Anzu - a black panther and her protector - soon appeared and nuzzled up to her. “Good to see you Llana. We were hoping to see you again soon.”
“It’s good to be here Anzu - but you only see me when he beats me, and I wake up with an aching and bruised body. So why’ve you been hoping to see me?”
“You’ve passed age sixteen now, so you are a woman now, not a little girl.”
“No, that cannot be, I’m still ten or eleven, and not old enough.”
Anzu chuckled. “Trying to get out of it now are you?”
Llana lowered her head and pouted. “I guess so. I’ve both dreaded and waited for this day to come. Now that it’s here, I feel scared. Is the Lady Dark Knight around?”
“Llana! Do not even use that name, you must banish her from your thoughts or no good will come of it - especially today.”
Llana knew what was going to happen today. Many times in her life, she had been hurt so badly that part of her soul split off -a fragment - and ran away, to here, a part that could not take the pain any longer. Confused and frightened, they each stayed stuck in the moment they split off. Usually, the rest of Llana got pulled along, the part she was now. But her soul had become much fragmented now, and she needed to find the missing parts. This was what scared her. She knew she needed to integrate with these fragments of herself that remained frozen in torture to regain her full strength.
“Can I...”
The panther looked at her through slitted eyes and spoke sternly. “Later. Let’s go and find the missing parts first.”
“Wait...” but Anzu walked away, tail swishing behind, and after a few seconds, she followed him.
Anzu led the way to each missing part, already knowing where each hid. The first, a three-year-old found hiding in the back of a cave. That was when Albert had first bought her from her parents, who had too many mouths to feed.
Anzu coaxed her gently out, leading her to Llana who stood in the cave entrance. The little girl ran to Llana and embraced her. As she did, she sank into Llanas body.
Llana welcomed her and took her pain, though unprepared for the result.
Memories flooded over her as she remembered that day with perfect clarity. She collapsed to her knees, hurt, frightened, confused - horrified with the memory of Albert roughly dragging her to his cart, of her screaming, but only seeing the backs of her parents as they walked away.
“Anzu, no... I can’t do this, it’s too painful.”
“Remember who you are now Llana. You are no longer that little girl. Focus on now.”
Llana screamed but forced herself back to the now, and the pain quickly passed, though Llana shuddered with the remnants of the memory.
The dark knight appeared on the horizon. Fortunately Llana did not see her.
Next, a girl about six, digging a grave so that she could bury herself. Anzu stopped her, and talked with her. She turned to look at Llana, her eyes sunken black, skin gaunt - she looked dead. Llana braced herself as her younger self walked towards her, but she stopped, staring up at Llana, expressionless.
“Will you promise me that Albert will never be able to hurt me again?”
Llana looked in desperation to Anzu, who simply nodded. “I promise, no matter what, he will never hurt either of us again.”
The girl, still expressionless, walked into Llana and Llana welcomed her. And then she was on fire, a fierce, intense, beyond the pain-barrier burning. It consumed her entire being, but she fought hard, gritting her teeth, to return to reality. Eventually, she made it.
Llana looked at her arms and legs, felt her face. Unharmed. “What the fuck was that?”
Anzu looked at her sadly. “You don’t want to know.”
Another, now slightly older banging on a non-existent door and screaming ‘let me out’ continuously...
#
After this third part of herself was integrated, she vomited and collapsed to her knees. “I can’t do this Anzu, no more, please stop.”
“Ah, Llana. Yes, it is difficult - but look inside of yourself. Do you not also feel a wholeness build, and with it, strength?”
Llana spat out dregs of vomit, “Fuck off! You’re kidding me. I’ve had enough!”
“Getting angry are we?”
“Screw you and shut up. I’m done and I need some fucking water.” Llana stood and walked to the nearby river and scooped handfuls of water into her mouth. She undressed, and jumped in. The cold invigorated her body and cooled her hot blood. Ah, this feels good, clean cool water, I feel alive again. She swam to the other side and back. She rubbed her body and for the first time noticed her breasts. My Breasts. Oh my God, look at my breasts. I am sixteen. She ran her hands across her arms and felt muscles. Yes, I am stronger.
Eventually Llana waded out of the water, sat on the bank and dried off in the warm sun. She turned to her ragged clothes. But they weren’t there. Instead, she found a leather tunic, breeches, and boots. A bit loose, but comfortable and suitable.
Reaching Anzu, she sighed but smiled. “What’s with the clothes?”
“A warrior does not fight in rags.”
Llana laughed. “Me, a warrior? You gotta be kidding.”
The whinny of a horse made her turn to the sound, and she saw the dark knight. “Anzu - look.”
“I know, she’s been following a while and getting closer. Your pains bring her to you.”
“Can’t you just run at her and try and kill her, like you did the first time she appeared?”
“I didn’t kill her, she’s immortal, she just vanished and I hit her armour, empty.”
“Vanish her again then, go on, shoo her off.”
Anzu snorted. “I’m not a bloody dog you know, but I’ll try.”
A deep rumbling growl filled the air, and Anzu grew far larger. He ran, or rather streaked towards the knight; he jumped - into thin air. The dark knight had vanished and reappeared on the other side of Llana. Anzu sped back to Llana. “Too dangerous, I shouldn’t have left you. She’s not really even here, but she can cause absolute havoc should she reach you. I need to call Dirk.”
Llana gulped, finally realizing trouble was afoot; things were not right if Anzu needed Dirk right now.
#
Dirk came out of the trees by the river and walked along the bank towards them. He was big, and looked like the kind of cowboy you would want to keep well away from.
Llana ran to greet him with a big hug, and he also hugged her. She looked up into - for her - his kind eyes, loving the gentle smile he always wore each time they met.
“Hey sugar sweet, how’s things been a goin’ for ya?”
“Bloody awful actually.”
Dirk laughed gently. “It’s all gonna be great sweetheart, don’cha forget that eh?”
“It’s a lot better now you’re here.”
“Yeah sugar, but we’d gorra problem here ain’t we?”
“Her?” Llana pointed to the dark knight, about 50 yards away now.
“Yup. Hey, Anzu, you gonna join us? We need to sit and chew the fat some Llana. Time you knew what she is.”
Anzu reached them. “Are you sure that’s wise Dirk? Can’t you simply keep her away?”
“Nah, no can do.” He turned his attention back to Llana. “The Dark Knight is you Llana, or who you could become.”
“Me? I don’t understand.”
“We all has a shadow self, a dark side to our nature, but with most folks, ‘cos they’s good, it can’t affect them. Same as you’ve been, but you’s a been hurt real bad lots, and a bet times you wanted to hurt Albert real bad, even kill ‘im, eh?”
“Damn right I do, and times past I wanted to do to him what he’d done to me.”
“Yup, that why you’s often come here and seen your dark side, she’s represented by that dark knight - a ruthless killer. You gave her more power than other folks because of the pains yous had. An’ now, now you’s getting all them bits that hurt most back, and she’s getting more n more power, she’s tranna get close and sorta take y’over.”
“Isn’t that good if she’s a ruthless killer?”
Dirk half coughed and half laughed. “Hell no sugar pie, you’s gonna end up a ruthless killer anyways, but good. She’d make you real dirty and mean and bad - worse than Albert, much worse. She’s the dark side.”
“Like good and evil.”
“Yep, that’s a kinda good way a lookin’ at it. You don’ wanna be evil do ya?”
“No way!”
“Then ya don’ want that knight in your life. You must keep her pushed away with your mind, ya jus’ sorta imagine her getting’ pushed aways and push with all your mind power.”
“Okay, I get you now. Okay then, back to work. How many more?”
“There’s 4 left.”
Her jaw dropped, “You have to be joking, I’ll die.”
“Do you feel dead now, or tired?”
“Um…no. I feel good. Maybe even stronger.”
“As each part returns, your strength will increase. We need to find them all.”
“Shit.”
#
The sixth fragment proved difficult. In vain, the fragment tried to swim a wide river, yet she clearly was not moving any further. Llana shouted to her several times before she paid any attention. The fragment stopped, turned back to shore and waded in, anger and fury on her face.
Llana jerked back as she slapped her across her face.
“You bitch! You left me to die.” She slapped Llana again, harder.
“I’ve come to rescue you n...” A brutal slap knocked Llana off her feet.
“Bit fucking late now I’m dead and...”
Anzu moved between them. The latest soul part’s face turned from fury to determination as he spoke to her. She turned to Llana.
“On one condition--the bastard gets to suffer.”
Llana gulped. “I promise.” Hesitant, the fragment approached Llana. A steel set determination showed on her face so clearly, Llana quivered, unsure. They stared at each other. The fragment finally moved into her body. Memory came flooding back.
#
The cooking finished at the same time as he returned home, a few minutes before she expected.
“Where’s my dinner, wench?” He swayed on his feet, reeking of alcohol. She put his plate on the table. “Here it is sir, nice and fresh.”
He dropped heavily onto his chair. “And the gravy?”
Oh Shit. “I... I’ll make some up nice and fresh sir, it won...”
Pain seared her face as he backhanded her so hard she crashed into the cupboard. “You little piece of shit-rag, why the hell do I look after you? Time for another lesson, a new one.”
She squealed as he pulled her by her hair and dumped her on a chair. Pain creased her wrists as he tied and fastened them to the chair. Her legs were next, the tightness almost cutting off her blood. He went to the parlour and returned with the fire poker. He lit the gas stove and placed the end of the poker into the flames. Turning back to her, he grabbed her blouse and tore it away from her body , exposing her bare flesh. He eyed the poker still sitting in the fire, waiting until it was hot enough.
“No. Please. Don’t, I beg you sir. Please.”
Ignoring her, he watched the poker. It glowed a fierce red, and he picked it up. “Now, this will make sure my dinner--and gravy--will always be ready.”
The memory faded...
#
“Oh my God!” The pain! Llana gritted her teeth. Hate, anger, nausea and weakness hit Llana as they both merged, and her knees hit the ground. Bile rose in her throat, she gagged, and vomited. Undressing once more, the cool river embraced her as she dove in. Swimming deeper, letting the water cleanse and soothe her. After a few minutes, she got out, sat on the riverbank, and cried.
Much later - after the final fragment merged, Llana slumped lifeless to the floor.
Anzu smiled. “You are complete now, whole again.”
She lifted her head slightly. “Fuck you, I’m a useless, exhausted cripple. I’ve been through Hell and I’m still there.”
“Here, drink this.”
She turned and noticed a drinking bowl at Anzu’s feet with amber fluid. “What is it?”
“It’s...a pick-up tonic. You’ll feel better.”
Llana sat up. “I’ll never feel the same again.” Snatching it up, she drank the amber fluid anyway.
Anzu smiled. “No, you won’t.”
Dirk re-appeared. “Howdy Llana.” Seeing the look upon her face, he looked to Anzu, then back to Llana. “You can’t remember?”
“Yes and no, it’s like a place I have been to in my dreams, many times. I know strange things are going on, changes have happened to me, but Anzu isn’t telling me everything. Who are you?”
“Ma name ma’am, is Dirk, your teacher, and this is the underworld. I presume Anzu told you he is your protector. Explanations he leaves up to me. Power Animals ain’t much good at shootin’ straight answers.”
Anzu snorted.
“I still don’t understand what has been going on all these years.”
Dirk chuckled. The smile on his face reassured Llana. “Well, this is jus’ the Lower World, another place in space and time, but connected to your world. You’ve been with each time you’s were gonna get real hurt by that brute who keeps you as a slave. Cuddly ol’ Anzu always knew aforehand when you were gonna get hurt so we kinda grabbed yer to here through a portal, magic like, each times, so’s to protect you from the worst. I Ma’am, well I’s ya teacher, Dirk, at your service. Remember all the training we did?”
“The fighting stuff? I thought that was just for fun.”
“No ma’am, that was so’s you can kill. How you feeling now?”
“I’m okay now. I’m ready...”
#
“Remember this?” Dirk held out the large dagger.
“Yes.”
“Well, it’s yours now an’ it’s goin’ back with ya along with that... Oo, nice looking outfit if I may be as so bold.”
Llana smiled and blushed.
“How do you feel?”
“Like ripping some bastard to shreds. Nobody’s gonna hurt me again, and I’m gonna hurt anyone that tries.”
Dirk laughed. “Remember the dark knight, she’s gonna try and take you over, so don’ be too hard on albert, and watch out for any kind of blackness in your mind, push it away. Ready to go back?”
Llana sighed. “Do I have to? It’s so good to be here. But yes, I have work to do. I’m ready. Will we meet again?” She pulled on the leather gloves he had given her.
“Yes, some day, when you are ready. The time will come when you feel us call, and you will learn how to travel here yourself. Anzu will always be with you as a spirit form in your world.”
“Until then.”
“Go kick some ass, ma’am.” Dirk waved his hand.
The world around Llana twisted, turned, distorted. Dirk and Anzu faded.
#
Llana returned to the cellar and blinked a few times to re-orientate herself. She stood up in the dark corner and waited until Albert reached the bottom of the stairs. He gripped the fire poker in his right hand.
“Where are you, you little bitch? Snivelling little wretch.”
Frail boxes hurtled toward Albert as Llana kicked them out of her path to face him. “Searching for me?”
In his drunken haze, Albert lurched toward Llana, crimson faced, the poker raised to strike. As he closed on her, she felt sickened by the sight of his obnoxious, red sweaty face. She caught the poker on its way to her head and pulled it from his grasp. Then she punched him in the head and backhanded him.. His head twisted and blood splattered from his mouth. Again, her hatred and venom lashed out as she punched him, enjoying the crunch of bone as his nose smashed and he flew backwards onto the floor. He spat out blood and teeth as he forced himself up. “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but I’m going to kill you.”
Llana kicked him hard in his stomach and laughed. “With what, your humour?”
He doubled up in pain, winded, gasping for breath. “Who the fuck are you? Where’s that brat Llana?”
Despite the stench of his breath, she grabbed him by his shirt collar and forced his face near hers, “I am Llana - and now I am your worst nightmare. The tormentor becomes the tormented. We shall see how much you enjoy this. I know I will.” She pushed him back to the floor, and reached for a hammer hung from a roof beam, gloating as Albert tried to get up. She slammed a booted foot on his chest and pushed him back to the floor.
“Llana?”
“Correct. In the flesh. Are you fucking blind?” She squatted to his level, close to his face once more, and hissed, “Maybe you’d enjoy that, blindness? Shall I poke your eyes out?” Taunts. Albert had taught her how to taunt. Staring at the hammer, he turned ashen.
“Do you see this hammer? Heavy and well balanced, don’t you think?.” His eyes bulged. “Yes, you bastard, you are going to know fear, as I did. You will understand no mercy, as I did. You will suffer, as I did.”
She stopped for a second. In her mind, there was a darkness spreading. She could feel tendrils reaching out to her, whispers of pleasure never known, the call of the unknown. She shook her head to clear it.
He huddled to the floor. “No, please...please. I’m sorry, don’t hurt me... I didn’t mean it, please...”
“You snivelling pathetic man,” she screamed. “Do you remember how many times I pleaded with you, yet you never spared me. Well--this is going to fucking hurt.” She smashed his left knee with the hammer, heard the bones crack with the force, and the subtle feel of how they splintered and ground together. His scream filling the cellar intensified when she smashed the same knee again. Llana smiled. No one outside would dare to investigate. Not in Albert’s house where there was always screaming. She smiled as once again the darkness beckoned. “I’m only doing this for your own good.” She smashed his other knee, again felt the bones shatter, before repeating the blow, watching as blood oozed onto the floor. She grabbed his throat and crushed his windpipe which silenced his screams. He thrashed around and the floor smeared with his blood.
Llana released her hold and stood up. “Shut up!” Albert gasped for air, and started a strained whimper. “Thirteen fucking years. Can you even imagine the torture I will inflict on you?”
“No, please. I have money. Jewellery. Gold. I’ll tell you where they are, please don’t hurt me again.”
“Don’t beg, you sound even more pathetic. Do you think in thirteen years I haven’t found your hiding places, so I’m taking everything.” His whimpers increased.
“Please, please... don’t hurt me any longer. I... I’m sorry.”
No. STOP! Go away! She screamed in her mind to the darkness. Enough. I refuse to be the bastard he was. Never. Darkness retreated, vanquished, for now...
Dagger now unsheathed, she swiftly cut his throat from ear to ear, avoiding the sudden fountain of blood which spurted from his neck. His last words - a bloody gurgle.
It’s over, she thought. At least this part.
Free at last. She turned to the darkened streets, unafraid.
Time to free the slaves and the downtrodden.
Llana, Warrior, was born.