I've been cooking for an hour and am rather pleased with my efforts. We have grilled chicken breast with some sort of herb & spice coating with a quinoa and beetroot salad. I also have some fancy olive bread for Rolo. I lay the table, which is just big enough for two as my mum calls.
"Hi Mum, how are you?"
"Excellent darling, Tony and I went to the zoo today and it was great as all the animals were out. They're always in their beds when you go in the summer."
"That was nice, what made you do that?"
"Tony is into photography and wanted to get some pictures."
"I'm glad. So it's going well with him then?"
Before I left England my non-dating mother managed in six months to turn lesbian and date two men at the same time. Eventually, she came to her senses, dumped her rather pongy yoga teacher called George, short for Georgina, and kept one of the men she met at speed dating: this was Tony.
"Yes I like him. So tell me, how was the Jessie Rayburn show?"
"Erm it was good I suppose."
"What do you mean, you suppose? I love that show."
"They have asked me to go on it next week." I slip this in casually and wait for it to register. There is a pause before my mother speaks, sounding confused.
"They've what ... why?"
"They asked Madeline how she managed to look so young and she told them it was because of her training with me." I wait again as she processes this information.
"I don't understand, you have only been training her a few weeks, would it have that much effect already?"
"No Mum, but she told them I do some funky holistic training with facial exercises and special nutrition."
"Oh I didn't know you did that, my jowls are dragging so much I look like next door's bloodhound."
"Mum, I just Googled facial exercises and now I have to go in front of millions of viewers and tell them how to do it. There are people who teach this for living and they're going to realise I have no clue what I'm doing. And what if they ask me about specific foods that will help improve the nation's skin condition? I can't remember them off the top of my head."
I'm running out of breath as I finish. "So what do you think?"
I can hear the smile in her voice as she replies in a soothing tone, "Wanda, you studied for nutritional and biomechanical exams in a week, I've seen you do it. This could be your big chance or it could just be a random interview but you need to take this opportunity and embrace it. So what if it doesn't go perfectly? As they are fond of saying in Hollywood, no publicity is bad publicity and I have faith that you will be fantastic."
I can't speak for a second; my normally critical mother has just channelled Yoda and actually made me feel heaps better about the whole situation.
I swallow the lump in my throat. "Thanks Mum, I feel better having spoken to you, I really miss you."
Silence. She's probably a little choked up herself.
"Mum?"
"Oh yes sorry darling I was just reading this really funny text from Tony. He just sent me a picture of an Elephant having a shit on the keeper's foot."
"Great. Listen I have to go as I have Rolo coming over."
"Who's Rolo? Sounds like a chocolate toffee."
"His name is Roland and he's a friend."
"Okay, well have a lovely evening and don't worry about the interview. I really wish I could be there."
"Me too; I could use some support from the home team about now."
"You'll be great, you always are. Don't forget to call me and let me know how you got on."
"Love you, Mum, bye."
I stare at the fresh olive loaf on the table and cut myself a large slice.
When Rolo arrives I sit him down, hand him a glass of wine and tell him the whole story about how I'm going on the Jessie Rayburn Show and he just stares at with his glass half way to his lips. When I finish I wait for him to say something.
Eventually, he takes a long glug of wine and speaks slowly.
"So you are going to be on national television, spouting the virtues of a training regime you haven't really made-up yet, which is going to consists mainly of things you Googled about a week ago?" He takes another slug of wine.
The confidence I gained from my mum is seeping away until I watch Rolo's face collapse from shock horror into a massive smile. He holds his glass aloft. "Wanda Mikos you're like a Marvel superhero ..."
Pheww, that's better, I can feel my confidence growing. I am like a super hero.
Rolo continues,"... to come to LA with practically no experience and take on the tabloids, the naysayers and lazy people with a training concept that takes more time than normal because it includes more of the body than other exercise programme is so amazingly brave it's bonkers! I salute you."
Oh crap. Whatever was I thinking? He's right. They're all about the quick fix here not adding more muscle groups to their training programme. Who's got time to add facial exercises? I'm going to call them tomorrow and cancel. Rolo is right, it's absolutely bonkers. I down a glass of wine and pour myself another. Rolo is still smiling and shaking his head in disbelief.
I'll tell Patsy in the morning, she'll deal with this situation for me – again.