The following day, Hannah left early for work and the kids went off to school; Mike was left alone with his thoughts.
It was just sinking in now, that he had left the Army for good, and he was having difficulty coming it terms with it. It hadn’t come up suddenly, but the actual event was still one he was unprepared for. He had been on medical leave for most of the past three months, and the time had been his own, other than counselling. He had used it to the full, like an extended leave and taken in a long sailing trip. But he had still been part of the Army. Now it was behind him.
The past months had been an emotional roller coaster, the flashbacks, the drinking in the early days, the shadow of marital breakdown, the sailing, and his affair with Rebecca. Now he had to get on his feet.
He was now in receipt if a reasonable pension from his service, small compared to his recent salary, but with Hannah’s business there were no financial difficulties. Nevertheless, he didn’t intend for Hannah to be the main breadwinner for long. But for now, he was going to get some use out of the yacht while the last of the summer remained, and take his dad out sailing, Greg too, when he was free from his football commitments. He resolved to take the following two weeks as they came before pursuing his next career.
As he made himself a coffee and sat down to drink it, he knew he could not live a life a leisure, he had always been a man of action. He saw the whole day ahead of him with little do but wait for Hannah. The boat would keep him occupied in the short term, but once winter came, he had to have something else.
Content in the knowledge that his own drive would not permit him a lazy lifestyle, he settled into a relaxing day.
It was now Wednesday and he checked the weather forecast for the weekend. It was looking fair, some sun and a fresh south-westerly breeze. The tides were good for a mid-morning start, maybe a sail out to the Isle of Arran, and then back to the marina in the evening. A sudden thought warmed his heart, he could meet his dad for lunch, or at least a coffee if he could take a break from work. He telephoned him and made arrangements for lunch the next day.
With the weekend in mind, he decided to take a trip down to the boat. Following his cruise to the Western Isles, all the maintenance tasks were up to date, but there was always something to do. It was a pleasant day and he could think of no better place to be.
By lunchtime, he was entering the marina. The sun was shining as he walked down the pontoon to the ‘Pride of Baltimore’. The marina was busy with other sailors making use of the good weather, fettling their vessels, or making ready to put to sea.
He stepped aboard and opened the main hatch, followed by other hatches to allow air to circulate, and then put the kettle on. Within minutes he was sitting in the cockpit with a cup of tea, He felt content. How his future career went would determine how often he could spend time on the boat, but whatever, it would be more time than he had in the Army.
He spent time people watching while drinking the tea and was a touch envious of those taking their boats out, but his time would come at the weekend and he had already used his boat more than most others so far that year,
He put down his cup and looked at his ‘to-do’ list. There was nothing pressing so he decided to do some cleaning and tidying.
There were many memories tied up in the boat through all his ten years of ownership, but the last cruise held more than most. There was the usual ups and downs of sailing and the beautiful sights. On the last trip that was added to by visions, ghosts, and hallucinations as he had flashbacks which left him in a cold sweat. He stepped into the aft cabin, the main sleeping quarters, and there recalled another memory, that of Rebecca, The thoughts grew until he became aroused recalling what they had done on that bed. A wave of guilt washed over him, he had only made love to Hannah a few hours ago. It had been a time when he wasn’t himself, and even if he had the chance again with Rebecca, even if he did another solo sail, it would not happen again. Still the memories possesses him until he forced them aside.
For the first time in many months, he sat down and cried as all the memories flew through his head. Was he fixed yet? The flashbacks were rare now, and less potent. He could handle drink, as he had last night. But somewhere there were still demons.