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from Don't Let Go by Karla Martinez

Copyright © 2019 Karla Martinez

Hopeful

Spring Break was over in a blink of an eye, the bruise on my face was almost gone, and my heart was at its regular rate or so it seemed. Nothing to worry or think about. Just spending time with my parents, and Mimi. It was relaxing and what I needed. It was how was I meant to spend my last days of life. Although there was still something I had to make clear with Rocky. Maybe I was just pretending not to realize, or I was just afraid to know the truth.

To know that she was also lying to me. I accused Cameron of messing with her when it was all a lie. Of course, Cameron wasn't going to oppose Rocky. She was important to him, just like Yael was. They were family. I sulk in my room, debating if I had enough time to spend, fighting with my best friend. There was another person I had to put up with. Seeing Aubrey's cynical attitude towards me was difficult. In reality, I wanted her to hate me, to her heart contempt because she would regret it when I die. I was disappointed in her, I didn't hate her though, maybe I was just too naïve. I was lying as well. I was afraid and that's why I didn't fight with Aubrey.

Afraid of God. Afraid of being judged for hating or for not forgiving. I was going to die and I didn't want to go and regret not forgiving the people who in some way, had a reason to treat me the way they did. Aubrey was one of those people. Time was moving on and I was getting no answer of in my surgery. I had to stay clear because I was afraid of dying.

I never saw or heard from Cameron. It was for the best. I let the guilt beat me up alone, I shouldn't have opened my mouth and confess to Cameron. What was I supposed to say now? Oh, by the way, I might die at any moment. Although I wanted to know because my stupid heart was a masochist. I obstructed myself to talk about him with my sister out of people, it would be a mistake. My priority was to keep myself calm. Another reason to keep myself calm and concentrate on myself was; I wanted to for once, face my fear of feeling people's pity. I had decided to talk to Cameron. Tell him everything, but I needed to prepare myself for that.

By the end of the break, I was ready, as ready as I could be. Going back to school meant seeing Cameron, Yael, Rocky, and Aubrey all in the same place. Great.

My alarm went off in the morning. I got ready for school, I didn't feel like going at all. I sighed as made my way out of the house. But soon as I stepped into the living room I knew Cameron and my secret had to wait. As soon as Aubrey left to school, my mom informed me about Dr. Jackson wanting to talk to us urgently. My heart throbbed a little. I was scared and anxious just to know that he was at my house. Bad news, good news? I looked up at the ceiling, praying to God.

Dr. Jackson's serious face waited for my parents and me. Hesitant to take a seat, I took a deep breath and sat next to my mom. She held my hand and smiled, but I could see the anguish in her bluish eyes. I swallowed the knot in my throat. I knew I was selfish for going all out on trying to make my love story happened, instead of caring more for my parents. They were getting beat up, for sixteen years they have been fighting. I wasn't being fair.

"I'm here because..." Dr. Jackson paused for a second.

"There are several things to talk about..." his eyes seriously looking at some tests he held in his hands. My mom's hands were naturally cold, but they were freezing now and even when she was trying to co...











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