I Don't Need You
Time kept moving. Slowly I got back to my normal rhythm. Cameron and I didn't share a word if not necessary. In a way, I kept my distance from everyone, even Rocky. Yael was the only one I needed, not because he was my regular ride for my "check-ups" but because it turned out that I was more comfortable with him than with anyone else. He knew me and, in a way, that made me feel comfortable. I didn't have to keep secret from him and he cared for me for who I was. Although there were hints of pity, I ignored them because I knew him too. I just had to wait for him to admit and feel ready to bring his truth out.
Tanya was always my partner, but I avoided the conversation about Rocky and I. Explaining why we had stopped being as close as we used to be was something I didn't want Tanya to know. That was just going to make everything even more awkward. She never asked, and that's what I loved about her. She was there if I needed her, but never questioned me if I didn't want to talk.
I didn't ask Dr. Jackson why I had to keep visiting all the time, I knew the reason. If I asked, he would just lie. To make things easier I just did what he said, now that I didn't have gym class, I felt less agitated. Cooking Class turned out to be fun. Enjoying my time cooking with my quiet partner, who actually made really good dishes turned out pretty exciting.
At home, it was always the same routine. I heard rumors going in school about Cameron getting whatever he wanted from Aubrey and now he didn't want her anymore. That caused her mood swings to reach a new level, she was worse than ever. Always making our parents stress over nothing but crap, she always got the wrong attention. But that's all she wanted.
It was finally Spring, the sun seemed to shine brighter and warmer. It lightened my mood. Finally having time to myself. Taking Mimi for a walk in the park, I sat on the grass and let Mimi free.
Relaxing myself, I breathe in fresh air, let the sun warm my skin. Opening my lungs slowly feeling the light stab in my heart, I stopped. It irritated me sometimes, how something so small like breathing would hurt me to the point of giving me chills. That made me miss swimming. Being in the water I could move without breathing, even if it was for a short moment, I enjoyed the lack of oxygen.
My hand over my chest, I tried one more time as a lump formed in my throat. Tears formed in my eyes, but I blamed the sun for it. I wanted to go back in time. To the time I could breathe in and could feel no danger at all, but in reality, there was never time like that. The pain just got worse because it was time to get worse.
"It hurts," I whispered to myself. Mimi stopped in front of me, with her innocent eyes innocently staring at me.
"I'm crazy," I said to her. She barked hysterically as I wiped a tear. Immediately s...