Cameron was slowly sending me back into that dream. The dream my life was before I found out anything. A fantasy that I didn't want to wake up from. Deep inside this wasn't just about Cameron, this was about the fear of going into the unknown blindsided. The fear of having new feelings, new needs to live, something that could give me the courage and bravery to fight.
I was afraid of waking up something strong that wouldn't let me accept my end. It wasn't my choice, my fate had already been decided by God, even if I wanted to live, even if I wanted to die. It wasn't my choice to make, I had to follow the path that was written for me. This was my relationship with God.
"Do you want me to stop?" his breath sending chills through my chest.
His voice seductive and inviting somewhere risky for my heart. My body didn't want him to stop of course not, but my mind was a mess, fuzzy with the excitement and feverish need of continuing. I hadn't noticed the painful pounding in my chest shouting at me to stop or otherwise, this was going to end badly.
Cameron's hand discreetly stroking my back. Softly exploring my skin under my shirt, forcing me to take deeper breaths. Letting him feel my bare skin, but I couldn't take it anymore. I liked Cameron, but I didn't want to be like the rest, I wanted to be special, but I couldn't, I wasn't and Cameron made sure I knew that.
"Do you want to go to my place? My dad's not home," he whispered through his heavy breathing waking me up with a sudden slap in the face. This is the relationship I have with God. I repeated as I snapped back.
Now, I was realizing that Rocky was right, this was what he wanted. It didn't matter how much I wanted to continue. At least if I was going to die, I would go with my head held high and proud of not being one more on his list. As much as I liked Cameron, I loved myself more and I couldn't allow myself to be in the same category of the girls I felt sorry for falling for his tricks.
Without even noticing my change, he kept his ha...