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from Don't Let Go by Karla Martinez

Copyright © 2019 Karla Martinez


Giving up on torturing myself with ideas and things I couldn't control. Locking myself in my room, turning off my phone. Losing connection with everyone, to focus on myself. On what I was feeling, on putting my heart at peace before I could kill myself with everything going on around me. I couldn't help but feel like someone out there was working against me. Everything and everyone started to hit me at once. It felt like Cameron had woken me up from a dream and brought me to this reality where I couldn't live longer but every moment every experience was getting harder to handle.

Trying to relax my heart, I sat on my love couch; stretching my lungs to get to know them, how the pain spread and the course it took to finally reach to the agonizing slam that knocked me out of breath every time. Filling them, counting the seconds it took to get the stab, I closed my eyes and slowly breathed through my nose. I could feel how the low electric coup would gently start appearing from the center of my right side.

"Hey, Sammy!" Aubrey barged into the room pulling me out of my comfort zone. Not now. I snapped my eyes open.

I glanced up at her, unconcern. Mimi appeared defensively from under my feet. Though Aubrey liked her, Mimi could sense our tension all the time and of course, she would side with me and not with my sister, but after a few seconds, she would go back to her toys. Aubrey was always showcasing her flat stomach, her tank tops were getting smaller and smaller. I pretended not to notice and kept my attention of a magazine I had picked up on a whim.

"Wow, are you into fashion now?" she asked, looking for something to poke fun at.

"What do you want?" I just needed a distraction to stop me from thinking and mourn.

Snatching the magazine from my hands. She flopped herself on my bed and swing her legs back and forth. Forcing me to suck in a deep breath to control myself before snapping and let her get the reaction she wanted. Aubrey sat back up and started flipping pages. Rising her eyebrow, she smirked.

"What, are you bored? Nobody asked you out today?" I asked not really interested in her outings.

It was obvious that if she was home looking for entertainment was because she didn't have anyone to hang out with. Of course, I was the perfect target. Really, God. I was losing my grip, I noticed. I sighed and laid back on my couch.

"No. Dad keeps bugging me to come see you. I'm here just to get him off my back." she admitted. Of course.

Certainly, Aubrey was nev...

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