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from Two Candidates Walk Into A Bar by Nick Edinger

Chapter X

Chapter 10

A dozen thoughts spun around Henry’s head. It was like a dream come true… but not a normal dream, more like one of the X-Men-circus-parade ones Henry might experience after eating too much frozen cheesesteak. Sam’s cute half-smile and slender fingers only made this decision-point more bizarre.

“Well then,” said Henry, balancing the weight of each syllable as he spoke. “I feel like I’m in The Last Starfighter, only with gifs instead of laser guns. But no, for real… I suppose that tricking Kerry Ebner into saying ‘Goatse’ won’t help her any more than… Wait. Tell me what you want me to do again?”

“I want you to help do for us what you did to Fulton… only to help, instead of hurt,” said Sam. Her shoulders relaxed. “You and your team will research, and develop through a workshop format, concepts that can communicate Galen Schmeling’s platform to the millennial audience. You use your Internet know-how to get your ‘memes’ to the right channels and onto the social media platforms that matter to the Democratic base.”

“So, basically, it’s like if the ‘Kingston Pound POUNDS’ meme was intentional.”

Sam arched an eyebrow. Amal remained quiet, though his smooth face couldn’t hide some internal stewing occurring behind it. Why didn’t he speak? He seemed to know more about this than him, or even than Sam.

“’Kingston Pound POUNDS’? Doesn’t ring any bells?” asked Henry, to Sam. “Well, I guess it’s old news… real old news, now that I think about it. God, I’m old.”

Amal snorted.

“Hey, 25 is the new 45! Look, see,” he continued, once again addressing Sam. “A few weeks right before Pound won the last presidential election, the news broke that he had frequented prostitutes some years ago. Don’t worry; those prostitutes turned 18… this year. At the time, some liberal blogging gal made this ironic joke about how ‘Kingston Pound POUNDS.’ The point was to pre-emptively laugh at how Pound’s rabid defenders would still support their candidate. Yet the shady corners of the Internet decided to wear that sarcastic joke as a new slogan, a real rally cry. ‘Pound POUNDS the economy back in shape...

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